Whispers

It's not unusual for Drew's Dad and I to find ourselves whispering to each other quite often, especially when we are driving. While whispering is often considered rude, when you have two young children, you find yourself whispering quite often. Why talk aloud about going for ice cream when you aren't sure your spouse is in agreement? Can't discuss the possible trip to the pool for fear of someone getting over excited. The list goes on.

As we drove home from a trip to the park the other night, Drew was behaving quite poorly in the car. Really, he was out of control crying and whining over something. I can't even remember what he was crying and whining about - that's how important it was. After several requests to stop whining, I told Drew he would be placed in timeout when we finally made it home.

Drew, being the master at manipulation, began saying "I'll stop. See, I'm stopping. I'm not crying any more." He continued this speech over an over, in a super attempt to keep himself out of the dreaded timeout.

Drew's Dad and I began our whispering, in this case about parenting. We were discussing with each other the fact that we had already told Drew he would get a time out, and that he couldn't get out of it now. Just making sure we were both on the same page.

As we talked we started to hear Drew in the back seat talking louder and louder. To us. He was saying, "Hey, stop talking about timeouts! Stop talking about timeouts! Mom, Dad. Stop talking about timeouts."

Drew's Dad and I found it hilarious. First, it was quite hilarious that he heard us talking, and knew what we were discussing. But hearing his sweet little voice tell us that we should stop talking about his timeout was just precious.

For the record, Drew did receive his timeout when we got home. Although it wasn't nearly as long as what it should have been. He's just too darn cute.

A Little Whine With My Cheese

This post is going to be whiny. Consider yourself warned.
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I signed up for a gym membership. Five years of parenthood, and the stresses of having a child with hearing loss, as well as the stresses of every day life, have not been kind to my body. Sure, I pretty much look the same as I did PB (pre-babies), but I don't feel the same. So, I decided to be selfish and do something for me.

In order to get myself to the gym, I knew that I would need to join a gym with a children's center. With our crazy work schedules, this ensures that I can get my workout in, even if Drew's Dad is out of town or working late. Great idea, or so I thought. The very first night that I left the kids in the play place, all of the older children made fun of Drew and his ears. How sad is that? So, after my workout, as I'm tired and ready to head home, I have to deal with hearing about how all of the other children in the play place were whispering and talking about Drew and his ears. Sucks.
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I've finally made the big decision to enroll Drew in swim lessons. We are heading to Disney World for our first family vacation in 46 days, not that I am counting, and I thought it would be a good idea to introduce Drew to real swimming before our vacation. Well, today I had a little pity party for myself about how hard it is for me to get him to swim lessons. I have to bring his spare left ear parts. I have to put them in the waterproof food saver bag. I have to turn it on, take his other ears off, hold the ear, in a bag, on his head while trying to put a swim cap over it to hold in place. It sucks that he can't just run and jump in the pool like the other children. And the alternative, him not being able to hear while in the pool, is unimaginable.
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Drew loves sport. Seriously loves them. But his ears are always falling off. He has to stop and start playing so many times in a day just because his ears come off and he needs them put back on. And now, he has decided that he enjoys boxing. (I blame that one on his Daddy and the Wii.) Well, he wants to take his shirt off to box. Well, in order to do that, he knocks his ears off and then needs them put back on. It sucks that he can't just play what he wants to play, when he wants to play without having to make sure he can hear.
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I am finished. Now back to our regularly scheduled (cheery) blogging.

How Tall This Fall?

So tall this fall, with the help of his tip-toes!

Today, we spent a very beautiful, sunny fall day checking out a local farm, complete with a hay-ride, games and pumpkin picking. Or, as Drew say, "Punk-in Picking!" We all had a wonderful time, relaxing and enjoying the day. It's so nice to have our lives back to normal.

"Swish"

Recently the Pediatric Cochlear Implant Circle asked me to write an entry for their "CI Circle News" focused on my feelings as a father upon learning that Drew was deaf.

I put it off for a few weeks, wondering what to say. In some ways that day seems far in the past, and in another way I still feel tender bruises. Of course it's difficult to get this personal about my feelings as well.

However, to be true to the purpose of this blog, which is to help other families who follow in our footsteps find support and empathy, to become empowered, I finally sat down to write on Sunday. This is the ink that was drawn from my pen.

Swish.

I couldn’t see. Heavy drops of rain pelted my windshield, lingered, and eventually were pushed aside by the wipers in the fashion of a blinking eye. Swish. I saw nothing ahead but a long road of silence. Of fear. Of Dread. Swish.

Swish. I couldn’t breathe. That long, deep exhale of relaxed contentment, of a world full of bright futures and sunny skies that exists in the world of children were crushed by the dark news of which I had just heard. My chest is heavy. Swish.

“Hello? How did it go?”

“He can’t hear.”

I couldn’t hear. I didn’t want to hear. It can’t be. Didn’t he hear me drop the metal dog bowl just the other day? Remember when he startled to the dog barking? Say that again?

I can hear the raindrops pitter-patter upon the hood of my car, the growl of the engine, the fast-paced beating of my heart – but my son can’t hear? He’ll never get to dance to music like his sister holds so dear? He’s deaf? Swish.

I was numb. I was alone. My wife was alone, learning of this news with no one to hold, finding that all the “I love you” whispers and lullaby tunes had truly gone unheard. He’ll really never know my voice? Here I was, separated from her by a few miles of road, buckets of falling rain, and seemingly everlasting minutes of helplessness. Swish… Swish… Swish…

Have you ever hugged someone and clung to each other for dear life, feeling as though if you let your grip loosen, if you even just moved an inch, that you’d fall off the face of the earth?

Have you cried on another’s shoulder not for your own pain, but for the struggles you foresee ahead for your boy – girl – loved one?

Have you ever felt utterly helpless when looking upon a child’s eyes…and then being unable mask your fear and talk to that child, to tell them “everything will be ok”?

Ever learned what you want in life more than anything else, only at the very moment that you learn it’s the one thing you cannot have?

Swish. What did I do? What can I do?

Nothing.

Swish.

Drew Can Say "Go Buckeyes"!

Last year we showed you how Drew Loves the Ohio State Buckeyes.

This year he can show off his "fanhood" even more by saying "Go Bucks!", and perhaps most importantly can express his thoughts toward "that team up north". Watch Drew in action.

"I Want To See God"

On Sunday evening, our family sat together eating dinner at a restaurant. It hadn't rained for 15 days, so when the sky began to turn gray we were hoping for some relief for our stressed lawn.

Drew was in his high chair exclaiming "chip!" for his tortilla chips he grasped above his head, and his three-year-old sister sat to my left next to the large picture window, overlooking the restaurant's landscaping and the dark skies above.
Our daughter took notice of these clouds, and was asking things such as "where does rain come from?" (the clouds), "can a plane fly in the clouds?" (yes, and actually can fly above them), and "can a plane fly to God"? (no).

She paused for a moment as she ate her quesadilla, contemplating these answers, and a line suddenly appeared on her brow. She had an important question.

"I want to see God", she stated. "Can I see God, daddy?", she asked, her root beer colored eyes looking up at me.

I thought for a second, caught off-guard, and replied, "No, honey, daddy and mommy have to see God first."

Her eyes rumpled with confused strain, and she took another long pause to consider this proposal. She took a breath and pleaded in almost a whisper "No! But who will watch us? I want to go with you."

A dense storm engulfed us. Not just the rain that now rushed off the edge of the walks and overflowed the gutters outside, but in our hearts. Out tears fell like the raindrops opposite the window.

The look on her face, and the tone of her voice were crushing to us. The thought of not having her (and Drew) with us is unbearable, but so is the thought of her feeling left behind.

Such is life, I suppose. We must enjoy these stormy moments (and all moments), uncomfortable as they may be, and live life in a way which will leave us with wonderful memories to carry us through any loss we face, and prepare our kids and other loved ones to move along under their own power without us.

What's the point of living if we don't have anything to lose?

I Think Drew Broke My Nose

Drew's a funny little guy. He likes to giggle, play peek-a-boo, and horse around a little bit. He also loves to give hugs.

One fun little pastime he has is re-enacting the dramatic Hollywood scenes where you have two lovers that have been ripped apart reuniting in a grand finale.

You know, the scene where the fair maiden is gliding through the fields of wildflowers, wind-swept hair in tow. The handsome man is approaching via the opposite direction, taking long, powerful strides in effort to meet his love as soon as possible. They reach and embrace in an explosion of love, and all is well with the world.

"

Well, Drew sometimes likes to run across the room to give me or his mom a big hug or kiss, but on Saturday he decided to change his modus operandi.

On that occasion, our eyes met, and Drew began to high-step across the living room, excited to give his wonderful dad a big hug and kiss. I laid on our chaise, awaiting his embrace. As he approached, I could see the smile on his face and I was acutely aware of how special these types of moments are. A moment to cherish.

It turns out that I really cherish my nose being in one piece a little more, but I guess it was cute while it lasted. Drew kept on high-stepping like he was trying to score a game winning touchdown, and charged directly at my face, treating his skull as a ramrod and the bridge of my nose as a target.

There was an explosion of pain (rather than love, as depicted in the Hollywood scenes). I jerked back in surprise, eyes watery. Drew starts screaming and looking at me with a "WTF did you just DO?" look. Hey Drew - YOU hit ME! Don't cry to your mom and act like I was in the wrong here buddy!

We were all better in a couple of minutes, but my nose still hurts. It didn't bleed or bruise, but when I move it it still hurts. Maybe it's not broken, but it must be pretty darn close.

I'm It!

Christian's Mommy tagged me for a fun little "get to know you" game. So, I'm it! Here goes...

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 people and posts their name, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

I have to answer questions and people I tag have to answer the same questions.

What was I doing 10 years ago?

Ten years ago, boy that seems like forever ago. I was a junior at The Ohio State University majoring in Marketing. Since today is a nice, warm spring day, I probably would have attempted to attend my classes, only to be stopped by friends at Zig's (it has since changed names to Panini's; I hope they still have the same drinks!) for a "quick" frozen beverage, only to end up skipping class and staying out way to late. (As a side note, I didn't spend all of my time in college skipping classes and drinking, just a few really nice spring days. And I did graduate.)

Five Snacks I enjoy, in a perfect, non weight-gaining world:

1. Chocolate Chip Cookies (still warm from the oven, maybe even with some vanilla ice cream)
2. Chocolate Covered Peanuts
3. Sno Caps
4. Oreo Cookies
5. Chips & Salsa

In the real world:

1. Chips & Salsa
2. Chex Mix
3. Chocolate Covered Peanuts
4. Chocolate Chip Cookies
5. Sno Caps

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. Buy a new house immediately. Something that isn't in constant need of repair. It's too hard with kids.
2. I would attend all major sporting events in the country with Drew's Dad (and Drew and his sister as they get older) including the Masters, a Super Bowl, Game 7 of NBA/NHL/MLB finals, the US Open, etc.. After that, we'd venture to those outside the country, like the Olympics, Wimbledon, Dubai Open, etc. I would also like to see Ohio State in the National Championship again (but only if they are actually going to win).
3. Buy a new car - one that isn't for work. I've had a company vehicle for nine years, which is WONDERFUL, but it would be nice to have a car that isn't filled with samples (and the mess that comes with them) for work.

Five jobs that I have had:

1. Tabbing marble for trophies at my Dad's business
2. Sales person at Macy's
3. Waitress at Perkins (for 1 day)
4. Sales Representative for a kitchen cabinet manufacturer (which includes learning all about kitchen design - pretty cool)
5. Mommy

Three of my habits:

1. Chocolate Covered Peanuts
2. Shopping: I don't even have to buy anything, I just like to shop! When I was on maternity leave with both babies, I don't think a day went by that we didn't walk the malls. So fun to window shop, and people watch!
3. Cleaning: I am a very organized, neat person. Although having kids has challenged my ability to keep things in as tip-top shape they once were.

Five place I have lived:

I have never lived outside of OHIO!
1. Columbus, Ohio
2. Upper Arlington, Ohio
3. Oxford, Ohio (while at Miami University)
4. Ohio State University - in my sorority house - LOVED it!
5. Hilliard, Ohio

Add one new part:

What is the one thing you would tell the parent of a child recently diagnosed with profound hearing loss?:

The brightest light you can imagine is at the end of a very dark tunnel.

Now, I get to tag five people. I'm trying to choose ones that I don't think have been tagged yet, as this little game is quickly spreading through our CI friends:

Laurie
Kevin's Mom
Kauan's Mom
Logan's Mom
Isaac's Mom